As violence against women month is within our reach, we focus on the extreme range of violence female survivor’s encounter, as agencies and society overlook their specific needs. Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such; to the authorities due to confidence and low self esteem with fear of not being believed and accepted.
The traditional thought that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say 'no', is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse sexual activity and intercourse with her husband, and while she may realise that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.
We prefer to see it possibly as a communication barrier (did I make it clear enough that I did not want intercourse tonight), we may see it as an act for which the man is not fully responsible due to his nature (men have a biological requirement to have sex and if there is a woman next to them in bed when they are in the mood they just cannot help it), we may see it as a misunderstanding (although I told him I didn't want to, maybe I gave him the wrong signals somehow), we may have religious issues which question our right to refuse intercourse (I have got to submit myself to him and accept his will above mine as my Lord and Master).
Basically, as wives being raped by our husbands, we look for every reason, every excuse to deny it is rape because we do not want to accept the unconventional: it is rape, he is hurting and humiliating us with intent, we can no longer trust him, turn to him in comfort, gain reassurance and protection from his company and our home is no longer safe.
Rape in marriage was criminalised as recently as 1982 in Scotland and 1991 in England. Before these dates a woman had no legal protection for the crime of rape perpetrated against her by her husband. A woman should always have the right to say no to sex, regardless of whether she has previously had consensual sex with the man or not. Forced intercourse within marriage or a relationship is still rape. There are many reasons why a woman may remain in a relationship where such abuse is taking place: pressure from society to stay to prevent disruption to any children lack of viable alternatives e.g. financial constraints fear that leaving might incite further violence shame about speaking out about what has happened many women cannot confess, even to themselves, that their husband or partner is raping them women may fault themselves for what is happening women may still have feelings for their perpetrators or feel in denial and convinced that they will change.
As the incoming Government attempts to work with women and organisations like Rape Crisis, the Coalition Government’s commitment to sustainable funding for Rape Crisis services is a direct result of the publicly acknowledged critical situation that member groups of Rape Crisis (England and Wales) are in, as highlighted by ‘The Crisis in Rape Crisis’ and numerous other independent reports. It was also an outcome of sustained and consistent lobbying and campaigning by Rape Crisis (England and Wales) and its supporters, who are gravely concerned about the consequences of the historic neglect and lack of funding for Rape Crisis groups, which led to 10 centres closing in 5 years. Besides numerous verbal public and parliamentary statements promising sustainable funding for Rape Crisis from both the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties, the Coalition Government has informed lobby groups that it will adopt a ‘common sense’ attitude to addressing the ‘needs of society by enabling funding to deliver innovative and personalised services to the community.’ They have committed to: Freedom, Fairness and Responsibility.
Pressurise lively dance performance on bullying and abuse was outstanding. I wish to thank, the refuge manager, chief executive Maureen Connolly, Councillor Sue Anderson and the dedicated team of workers at BSWA.
